Breaking the law in carline!

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I am normally a law abiding citizen, but today has been CRAY- CRAY!  Just me saying that is crazy…I don’t even talk like that.  But today I am beside myself!  When I needed a drink at 9 am over this blog I knew I was in trouble.  So instead of sinking that low, I sought help…professional help….not that kind, even though I need it!  I went to a computer tech, and after an hour that cost me a hundred, I felt better.

I raced to McDonald’s to try and implement the final suggestions only to find out I am too dumb to connect my husband’s laptop to their free wifi ( can’t wait for my new Mac!) before I had to be in carline.  My sugar was getting low because I hadn’t even eaten all day, but I pushed through!  After wasting my time in futile attempts, I raced to carline.  This is where it gets worse…

Not only was I texting while rolling through the line, but I asked for child who isn’t  mine because I confused the day of our play date!  My mind was on the damn blog instead of what I was doing!  I LEFT WITH THE CHILD!!!!  Thank goodness she is old enough for a cell phone because halfway down the road her dad called.  I did a sharp u-turn and sped back to the school ignoring the speed limit in a school zone.  I am surprised I wasn’t arrested…I can see my mugshot and the headline now!

After exchanging apologizes with the dad and receiving daggers from school staff, I headed to a friend’s house to regroup.  Of course, I vented…and that’s where it got worse.  Her ten year old, overhearing, said, ” I can do websites.  We learned that in school.”  My own child then jumped up and screamed, ” I told you I could help!

So, I wasted a hundred, kidnapped a child, and as I am cooking dinner right now I have almost forgotten my child at gymnastics because I just set the stove on fire while lighting a gas burner that had errant spaghetti noodles nearby…ugh! I need a glass (or two) of wine!

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Big Jack loves him some green chicken!

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The Hormonal Homemaker

And by green, I mean green chicken.  “What the heck?!” I can practically hear you screaming as you brain surely sees this:

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Instead of this:

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Now  that I hear the collective sighs of relief, let me tell you this recipe is as pleasing to the palate as it is easy!  All you need are a jar of Bertolli Pesto Sauce and chicken breasts…that’s it! No kidding!  The fancy garnishments of sliced tomatoes topped with mozzarella  are skipped at my house unless company is a comin’ !

Bon Appetit !

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So I broke up with Little Debbie…now what?!

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Okay who am I kidding I haven’t been doing much of either lately.  Sure I get a little exercise from cleaning my own house, doing yard work and chasing kids, but I cancelled my gym membership almost two years ago. My squat, lunges, and dumbbell routine has prevented a gravity disaster, but that body pump class worked wonders!

So why did I quit?  Like most moms, it just didn’t fit into my schedule easily.  Now I know you are saying, “But you don’t work!”  True.  However, the class was and hour after carline drop off .  Too little time to warrant going back hometown start my Cinderella duties, and nowhere to go but Lowes and Walmart.  And I surely can’t keep plants from wilting or food from thawing in the hell known as our climate for most of the year down South!

However, gettin’ younger I ain’t , and as my younger friend pointed out, “Your 30 year class reunion will be here before you know it so you better get cracklackin! Did I mention she is a Crossfit junkie…Maybe I will give a try! Until then, however, MyFitnessPal just moved up on my friend list…

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Let the pigskin fly!

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Football down South is not a pastime, a sporting event you watch or attend, or even just your man’s passion. It is a religion here in Alabama!  I mean people are beyond obsessed!

I knew this Mississippi girl was in trouble within days of moving here when a man saw me wearing an orange tank and yelled, “War Eagle!” I had never lived anywhere where people wear school colors all year long and kids balk at wearing tiny smidgen ofthe enemy’s color in a Polo shirt to church!

Yet I must admit it was infectious.  For the first time ever I was excited to gather and watch with friends…to see children forge lasting friendships…too actually enjoy the backyard we and others have put so much energy into making what most would think is a resort.

I’m Just glad my Mississippi teams are finally proving a worthy opponents to these formidable forces here in Alabama!

RTR, Hotty Toddy, Go Dawgs…and maybe, just to be nice, War Damn Eagle!

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The road to self-improvement

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So I absolutely hate “selfies” but I admit I took one this morning. Posting one will be a first for me, however. Yet, minus the burn mark on my right cheek from doing the chemical peel, I am loving the lifted arches in my brows from the Botox…and it is only the first day!  I am a little worried about my friend though. She already has fabulous arches and smoothing out that lovely furrow we all get between our brows and hitting those lovely crow’s feet may make hers go into the hairline, leaving her looking like a character any “Trekie” would love! So now to be brave:

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My husband teased me about looking 18 again, and that’s why I love that boy…he can lie so well! (He is soon getting lucky tonight…)

And then just when you are so stinking proud of your (costly) results, the first thing I had waiting for me on Facebook was THIS

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So guess who may be trying this product soon??  Maybe you should too…